My Thursday Night with Nikky the AT&T Technical Support Representative

Today, after a-whole-nother story’s worth of chats with various persons from various countries and various understandings of the English language (something one might, someday, in retrospect call a comedy of errors), we had our AT&T U-verse  internet and cable installed into our new home.

When the technician left, he checked to see if the DVR worked, as DVR and a luxurious switch from U100 to U200 were presumed to be a  part of the switch.  The technician even brought in a significantly larger cable box that, for whatever reason, was necessary for us to make the switch.  And as it turned out, we still just had the U100 plan.  Fine, okay, sure.  It will either switch over here in a bit, he said, or you’ll just have to contact them and ask them to, presumably, push a couple of buttons and switch it over.  And who are we kidding? Of course it didn’t just switch over.

Say, 9:30, I began chatting with Live Chat Technical Support Representative nr475y (Nikky) to ask her to push a couple of buttons and switch it over.  It started out fine, colloquial even:

I cannot say it was quick, because I chatted with Nikky for what felt like days, but things eventually got a bit out of hand:

Here is the full transcript of my conversation with Nikky:

System:        Connecting to server. Please wait…

System:        Connection with server established.

System:        Technical Support Topic: SST: More Help

System:        nr475y(Nikky) has joined this session!

System:        Connected with nr475y(Nikky)

nr475y(Nikky): Thank you for contacting AT&T U-verse Member Support. My name is Nikky(nr475y) Please allow me a moment to review your account details with the information you have provided.

nr475y(Nikky): I apologize for the fact that you had to wait for a little while to get connected to us.

nr475y(Nikky): May i please know the name of the account holder?

You:           [redacted]

nr475y(Nikky): How may I assist you with U-Verse service today?

You:           Today I had my Uverse cable switched from one apartment to another one, and this also included an upgrade from a U100 to U200 cable plan and DVR. And when the technician left, I still only had the U100 plan, and he told me that it should do it automatically, or that I would need to contact you guys and ask you to switch it over.

You:           And right now, I do still just have the U100 plan on my TV.

nr475y(Nikky): I am so sorry for the inconvenience caused. I will be more then willing to look in to your concern.

nr475y(Nikky): Could you please provide me with the 9 digit billing account number, as I am not able to pull up account with the information provided.

You:           Just a second.

You:           [redacted]

nr475y(Nikky): Thank you

nr475y(Nikky): Your account is opening up

You:           Still?

nr475y(Nikky): yes i am seeing that your TV package is U100

You:           Right, but it is supposed to be U200 with DVR.

You:           Can you help me with this?

nr475y(Nikky): yes

nr475y(Nikky): I will quikly change it to U200

You:           That would be greatly appreciated.

nr475y(Nikky): I will also provide you with the order confirmation number for your assistance

nr475y(Nikky): reference*

You:           For what reasons would I need to refer to it?

nr475y(Nikky): I am so sorry i would provide you with the confirmation number for your reference

nr475y(Nikky): I will also let you know when you can watch U200

nr475y(Nikky): To confirm that you are authorized on this account, could you please provide me your 4-digit pass code?

You:           [redacted]

nr475y(Nikky): I would like to inform you that the DVR would be free in U200

You:           I understand that.

nr475y(Nikky): I have also activated HD service on your account

You:           This is free?

You:          Or, included?

nr475y(Nikky): $10/month would be the fee for HD

You:           No thank you then.

nr475y(Nikky): It would be 100% free for the next 6 months

You:          I would like to not spend any more money than I am right now.

You:          I am happy with my plan.

nr475y(Nikky): after completion of the 6 months, if you want you can cancel HD service

You:          I don’t want to do this.

nr475y(Nikky): should i add HD service?

You:          Please stop.

You:           Can you just switch me to U200 and that be it?

nr475y(Nikky): okay

nr475y(Nikky): $72/month is the fee for U200

You:           Alright you know what.

You:          forget it.

You:          I’m going to talk to somebody on Monday.

You:           Or in the morning.

You:           That isn’t the price that I was quoted.

You:           I’m going to disconnect now.

You:          Please don’t change anything.

nr475y(Nikky): I have added discount for $25 for the next 12 months

nr475y(Nikky): so instead of getting charge for $72 you would be charge for $47 for next 1 year

You:           Okay, that is what I understood the rate to be.

You:           Why don’t your records reflect anything that has already happened?

nr475y(Nikky): what records you are talking about

You:           Do you not keep records?

nr475y(Nikky): I have just added promotional discount on your TV package

You:           That must be the problem.

You:           SOMEBODY HAS ALREADY DONE THIS.

nr475y(Nikky): Okay

nr475y(Nikky): shall i process the order?

You:           Let me ask you this first.

You:           How soon will I have U200 if you process the order?

nr475y(Nikky): well it depends on the available due date

You:           WHAT?

nr475y(Nikky): I must need to process the order to get the due date

You:           No.

You:          DO NOT PROCESS THE ORDER.

You:          DO NOT.

You:          I REPEAT DO NOT.

You:          NO

You:          NONONONONONONO.

You:          YOU SHALL NOT PROCESS THE ORDER!

You:          Are we done here?

nr475y(Nikky): Just to confirm would you like me to upgrade your TV package to U200?

You:          NO.

You:          NO.

You:          NO.

You:          Are you kidding?

nr475y(Nikky): If i do not process the order U200 will never activated

You:           Okay, then I shall never activate it.

You:           You are not to do this for me.

AT&T, do you know that this is how you work?  Y U NO FIX THIS?

It’s been a very interesting couple of days, and I’ve a strange feeling that it isn’t quite over.

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